December 2, 2010

Finding you are stronger than you think you are

I will start with a quote that has become my life recently
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
I don't know who said it but it fits me.

So what is my story.

Back in August my husband left me. After being married for over 11 years to say I was blindsided is to say the least. I begged for us to go to counseling, he said he was done. I will not get into details about everything but it was/is painful. So now I am learning how to be a single mother to my 4 girls. I am learning to solve problems on my own. I am learning to stand on my own two feet. I am learning that I am strong. Having said all of that I know that I can handle anything that is thrown my way because of the family and friends who stand behind me. Those that are there to lift me when I fall, wither that be financially, emotionally or even physically.

During this time I did fall physically. I twisted my knee up pretty bad and had to have surgery on it. That was three months ago today and just like my life I have slowly regained mobility. Actually my journey with my knee is a perfect parody to my journey to finding my way in life.

I was on the ground in a lot of pain and wondering what else can life do to me to knock me down. I was at rock bottom. The ambulance came and took me to the hospital. I got x-rays and some pain meds and then was sent home. The problem was home was 4 hours away and I couldn't drive. So my mom and sister drove up and got me and the kids. Then I went to the doctor to get it check out. After being on crutches for a couple of weeks it was decided that I needed surgery. After the surgery I was on crutches for about another week. I started to put weight on my knee but bending it was painful. Then I was able to walk on it. I was slow and limped and I couldn't do it for long. I was learning to bend my knee. Then I was able to drive again. I was gaining my strength back. Now except for the small scars on my knee no one can tell I even hurt it. Sometimes it hurts. Sometime it just aches.

It is just like my heart.

Being alone is the hardest part. I am surrounded by family and friends and I still feel alone. I have my 4 kids to keep me busy but I still feel alone. But just like with everything else I grin and bare it. Sometimes I feel so uncertain about everything and sometimes things are so clear. I do know I am better off and I do know one day I will be happy again.

Through all of this I lost my crafty mojo but I am starting to feel that crafty urge again. I always get a super urge to craft at Christmas time and this year is no exception (thank Heavens). Crafting has always been my therapy.

Since money is super tight and I don't know how in the world I will provide for Christmas I am planning on making what ever I can. I would like to share those ideas with you all and see if I can get my mojo back.

If you have read through all of this I really appreciate it. I know it was sort of jumbled and somethings might have been vague (there are a lot of details that I can't share publicly). I hope I didn't bore you too bad.

Here's to being strong and finding my crafty mojo lol.


  1. You've been though a lot! You are a very strong woman. I just finished reading a book called Stronger Than You Think. It came to mind while I read your post. Hugs to you!

  2. Thanks Elizabeth. I will have to look up that book. I love to ready and uplifting books have helped a lot.

  3. Gosh I know what it's like to feel down. My husband and I have tried for 2 years to get pregnant..and we did. Gabe was even due on my birthday. We moved to a bigger house. I quit my job to stay at home. And out of nowhere we lost him. I'm still trying to get back on my feet. Crafting and blogging have really helped me. And meeting other people who love them too. (I live really far from my friends and family). I know that you and your girls will have an awesome holiday -- and just like your knee you'll mend too.
    This isn't the place for plug ins but I noticed you were talking about books. On my Super Mom Club blog I just posted about a free website you swap books on. If your looking for it you should sign up there -- I know I need free during the holidays. Feel better!


  4. Remember one thing, You are a wonderful, beautiful and strong woman! women are survivors.
    someone has to be around to clean up the mess...
    I'll be happy to help cover your back when ever you need, just holler :)