January 15, 2010

A little vent

In August of  '08 my husband was laid off from his job. It was a blow to both of us as we both thought that was pretty secure there. Here in the small town we live in there is not many job opportunities for him to get a job. He has been doing odd jobs here and there but mostly he is trying to build up the business that we have through a company through Market America.

Because of this he has been home a lot more. I absolutely love that he is home. Some things that I don't love, however, are for the the first several months he would sit on the bed with the laptop on his lap while looking for a local job and developing his social circle, supposedly so he can do the business, which is mostly true. I called it his "whole". I know that it was important for him to look for work whether it was a job or for MA but did he have to be their all day. Because he was "working" he expected me to do his leg work all the while doing what I normally do, raising and homeschooling our 4 kids and the housework.

I got annoyed that he didn't help out more around the house. Was that wrong of me? He was after all "working". The truth is he didn't spend that whole time "working". He was doing what we all do at the computer too. Socializing for fun. I talked to him about it and he understood my point and said he would help out more

Well now it has been over a year and he is still home. The good news is that he does help out more. He washes dishes, he cooks sometimes and he does the Mr. Mom things when I can find the odd job to help with finances. Things were going go for awhile. Now though it seems that when he does help it seems to be with the attitude of "I guess I better get this done because you sure aren't going to do it". He hounds me everyday about what I have planned for lunch and supper even though it is written on a menu in the kitchen. For lunch he starts on me about 10:30 asking what I have planned, not so that he could help fix it, but like I forgot that the kids need to eat lunch. I don't know if I am imagining this attitude or not. I can't really point out any actual evidence to prove it. I don't know. I guess it is time for another talk.

Just for the record I really do love my hubby. He is a great father and my best friend and it is good to know that I can go to him with problems even if that problem is his behavior and I hope he feels he could do the same with me.


  1. I think part of it may be that everyone needs a break from each other now and then. Most couples get this via work- you can be away from your spouse for part of the day, which makes it more fun when you are with your spouse again.

    With him being at home, and you being at home, you aren't getting that break.

    Maybe sit down with him, and talk to him about how it's making you feel, and ask if maybe the two of you can work on the menu together, and swap days on who does what. Like, every Tuesday & Thursday, it's his job to come up with the lunch menu, and make the meal, while you do dinner on those days.

    Good luck!

  2. Heather those are very suggestions. Thank you

  3. sorry meant to say very great suggeations

  4. Geez. I wish I had advice. In my relationship to Scott, which is now over, he did everything while I "worked". He seemed happy to do it. He cooked, did a lot of cleaning, etc. I did some cleaning too, but he really did a lot so I could design and do product reviews. I only found out AFTER the split that he felt like your husband, sort of. In that he didn't really want to do it, he just did. I think the male and woman roles are still present today, sadly. Even when men try to help, or do help, they always secretly want us women to do it all.

  5. The thing is that I never asked him to take over. I would do it, but most of the time he jumps on it before I even think about it. For example I usually start supper at 5 (and he knows that) but at 4:30 he is in the kitchen starting supper. Its not like I want him to take over the chores that I do but to just pick up the slack when I was being overwhelmed because I was doing stuff for him too. I don't know. We will work it out